tabula rasa
by Girl in a White Dress
Summary: While recovering from her kidnapping, Frankie has to deal with her feelings for Kilmer when he goes undercover in Africa with Angel. [Sequel to Andromeda]COMPLETE.
1. the hopes and fears

Disclaimer: Not my characters.

A/N: We're pretty much heading into AU territory here. And this is my twist on why Kilmer and Frankie split up.

* * *

All things from eternity are of like forms and come round in a circle. – Marcus Aurelius

* * *

__

chapter one: the hopes and fears

Frankie wondered how she was ever going to come out of this with her sanity intact. She hated the inactivity, hated feeling so weak and helpless. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Nurse Hatcher wasn't so strict with visiting hours, she thought. Nurse Ratchet, as Kilmer had taken to calling her, had told him she didn't care whom he worked for. "Go ahead and get your executive order," she'd said to Kilmer. "This is my ward and you will abide by my rules."

Frankie smiled. At least she was out of ICU. That had to count for something. And Kilmer had pulled enough strings to get a private room.

She switched the television on, needing the noise. The silence made her think about how quiet it had been in that cellar – and how dark. If she'd disliked the dark before, she hated it now. At night, she left the lamp on while she slept. She knew the fear was irrational but that didn't make it any less real.

The door opened. Kilmer slipped inside, quickly closing it behind him. "I got in without Nurse Ratchet seeing me," he said.

Frankie laughed. "I guess your years of training are finally coming in handy."

"I always knew I-Spy 101 was going to be useful one day." Kilmer crossed to her side. His lips brushed her cheek. "Hi."

"Hi."

He handed her the teddy bear he was carrying. "This is from Holly."

"Aww, he's cute. Could you put him over there?" She pointed to a side table filled with flowers. "Those are from your mother, by the way. She wanted to know what I'd said about Christmas."

"Ah." Kilmer sat on the edge of the bed, taking Frankie's hands in his. "I was getting to that."

When Frankie was missing, Faye Kilmer had told her son to get his act together and make things right when he found her. She'd also invited both of them down to Miami for Christmas. Faye had told Frankie all this when Frankie called to thank her for the flowers, then complained about how useless her son was at following instructions.

"You know I adore your mother," Frankie said, "and I'd love to spend Christmas with her. But my doctor says there's no way he's letting me out of here for at least another month."

"A month!"

"I'm sorry."

Kilmer twined his fingers through hers and said, decisively, "Then I'll tell her I can't make it either."

"John—"

He put a finger to her lips to silence her. "She'll understand. Besides, if I show up without you, she'll have my head on a platter."

Frankie smiled. Since her rescue, Kilmer had been treating her with a tenderness that reminded her of when they'd first met. It was nice, but it scared her too. Trapped in that cellar, thoughts of him had kept her sane, and down there it was easy to imagine that there was a chance for them. Now that she was safe, the familiar fears and doubts were back.

She started coughing. Kilmer helped her sit up and slowly rubbed her back. She leaned her forehead on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Feel better?" Kilmer's touch was soothing, his voice low.

"Mm-hmm."

"How are your ribs?"

"Okay. A little sore." She'd cracked two of them at some point in her three days of captivity. She suggested it had happened when she'd fallen down the stairs but the doctor argued it was more likely that it was a result of coughing so much. Before now, Frankie'd had no idea you could break your ribs with a cough.

Kilmer held her as close as he dared, afraid to cause more pain. "I should have got to you sooner."

"You did your best."

He released her, then stood. Frankie knew something was wrong when he began to pace. "I didn't know you were gone until the Friday."

"What?"

He turned to face her, his expression penitent. "Frankie—"

"You didn't know I was missing?" Her voice rose on the last word. All those hours she'd been praying for him to rescue her, he hadn't even known!

"I thought you—"

"I was down there for two days before you thought, 'Hey, Frankie hasn't been at work for a while, maybe I should check up on her'." She ignored the pain in her side. "Two days, John?"

Kilmer said nothing for a while. Then he took her hand but she pulled it away. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I wish I could undo what happened to you, but I can't."

Frankie felt strangely empty. "Fasil was right. He said no one would miss me."

"Frankie, that's not what happened. Look at me, please."

She couldn't. She thought she might just throw up.

"When you left work on Wednesday, I felt terrible about the fight. I left a message on your machine. I told you to take the rest of the week off. When you didn't come in on Thursday, I thought you were at home."

This time she didn't resist when Kilmer held her hand.

"Frankie, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."

"You were all I saw down there, you know? You saved me again and again before you even found me."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know. I – Nothing's clear anymore. I don't know." She blinked back tears. Refusing to let Kilmer see her cry, she hung her head forward. "I'm really tired."

"Okay."

He helped her lie back against the pillows. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure."

When he was gone, she let the tears fall, feeling guilty for arguing with him, and relief that Fasil had been wrong. Though she had just sent Kilmer away, she wanted him back.

Nothing in her life made sense anymore.

* * *

Lieutenant Colonel Angeline O'Reilly was the only person at the Vault when Kilmer arrived. She'd been part of the team for just two weeks and had been the one to stop Kilmer from killing Fasil.

Kilmer wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wanted Fasil dead for what he'd done to Frankie, but he knew the terrorist had information they could use. Right now he was at Guantanamo Bay with his half-brother Hassan, who had also been part of Frankie's kidnapping.

Angel looked up from the computer when Kilmer walked in. "Hey, I thought you'd gone to see Frankie."

"I did." He sat down and picked up the nearest file.

"How is she?"

"Fine."

Angel swiveled the chair around she was facing him. "You know, you've got to give her time. Sadiq Fasil didn't just hurt her body."

"I know." Then, in a less gruff tone, he said, "I don't get you, O'Reilly. You're assigned to my team out of the blue, without my approval. I'm told your file is too confidential for even me to look at. And you spend most of your time analyzing my relationship with Frankie."

Angel just smiled. "I'm one of the good guys, I promise."

Kilmer studied her for a moment. "I thought you were going home."

She shrugged.

"What are you working on?"

Her hesitation was so brief that Kilmer wondered if he'd imagined it. "I'm looking for anything that might tell us whether Fasil was working on his own or if it was under Black Sun's umbrella."

When Kilmer thought about the planned bombing of Bethesda it wasn't the president or the other faceless soldiers he pictured, it was Frankie blown to pieces over and over in his mind. Fortunately, he'd found her before Fasil could get that far.

"Hey, Kilmer, you still with me?"

"Uh, yeah. What have you found?"

"Nothing concrete so far. But I'm hopeful." She turned back to the screen. "Go home, Kilmer."

He smiled. "Since when do you get to order me around?"

"It just comes naturally."

Kilmer shook his head. "You should meet Nurse Ratchet. I'm sure you have a lot in common."

"You mean she's also immune to your charm?" Angel looked at him through lowered lashes. "Hard to imagine."

"Angel, look—"

The coyness vanished in a heartbeat. "Good night, Kilmer."

Kilmer stood. Angel was right, he thought. Frankie just needed time. "Good night."


	2. la cameleon

__

chapter two: la cameleon

Kilmer was unusually grumpy when he arrived at the Vault the next morning. He'd stopped by GW Memorial on the way, hoping to see Frankie, but Nurse Ratchet had been waiting at the nurse's station. "I'm sorry," she'd said with what he was sure was a malicious smile. "Frankie's gone for more chest x-rays. Maybe you can come back tonight."

He had no intention of waiting until the evening visiting hours. He'd return to the hospital in the afternoon and sneak in to see Frankie. It was something he was getting good at.

Holly brought him a cup of coffee and told him to cheer up. _It's the festive season_, she signed. Then she gestured around the Vault to emphasize her point. Someone had obviously decided to bring a little Christmas cheer to Homeland Security and had hung tinsel around the room. There was also a miniature Christmas tree affixed to the top of Holly's computer monitor.

"Someone had fun in here," Kilmer said.

Oh, don't be such a Grinch. If you'd come in earlier you'd have seen Mo corner Lark under the mistletoe.

"What? Really?"

Holly smiled and gave an innocent shrug. _Maybe. Maybe not. But at least I made you smile._

He chuckled. "Yes, you did. Thank you for the coffee."

Atkins entered then and everyone sat around the conference table, waiting to be briefed.

"Good morning," Atkins said. "Last night the CIA received Intel that Mircea Alexandru is looking for someone to build him a bomb."

"_The_ Mircea Alexandru?" Mo asked. Alexandru was the son of the former Romanian Prime Minister. Rumor had it that he'd had a hand in his father's assassination, though that had never been proved.

Atkins nodded. "Now, we're not sure what the target is and that's where you come in. Angel, you'll be going undercover as Nathalie Argeneau. You and Kilmer leave for Morocco at 1300."

"What if the real Nathalie Argeneau shows up?" Angel asked. The real Nathalie was known to the CIA as _La_ _Cameleon_ as a result of her ability to reinvent herself at the drop of a hat. They'd been after her for eight years, without much success. She had an uncanny knack of always staying one step ahead. In April, seventy people had died when her bomb sank a cruise ship off the coast of Costa Rica.

"Take care of it." Atkins smiled. "Of course, we'd prefer it if you brought her in alive."

Kilmer nodded, his mind only half on the assignment. Morocco. Thousands of miles from Frankie. His thoughts were mirrored on his face and Angel gently nudged him with her elbow.

"Suck it up, Kilmer. It's only for a couple of days."

He'd grown used to Angel's tendency to poke into his personal life over the last few days, but for some reason, her comment irritated him. He turned to Jelani. "I'm going to need all the intel you can get me on Nathalie Argeneau."

"John, can I see you for a minute?" Atkins tipped his head to the door, indicating that he'd like to speak in private.

John followed Atkins outside, wondering what was going on.

"Is everything alright, John?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure? Nothing going on that you need to talk about?"

Kilmer frowned. "No."

"Okay." Atkins was silent for a moment, then met Kilmer's gaze. "You seem distracted lately."

Kilmer sighed. There was no point trying to deny it.

"I know you care about Frankie," Atkins continued, "and I count on that when I send you on assignments together. But you need to focus. You have a job to do—"

"I've been doing my job."

"Angel's not Frankie. I don't expect you to be thrilled at this assignment. But for the next few days you are going to have to put aside everything you feel for Frankie and get the damn job done."

"Sir, I—"

"Do you understand?"

Kilmer's jaw tightened. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Atkins just what he could do with this job, but he held back. He gave a terse nod. "Yes, sir."

"Good. I'll see you at Andrews at 1300."

Kilmer waited for Atkins to leave before he returned to the Vault. Though he knew the colonel had been well within his rights to say what he had, the words still stung. He was good at what he did and he had always been able to push aside his emotions to get the job done. That was one of the reasons his marriage had failed. He had turned to his job to bury his pain, not realizing at the time that Frankie was hurting too, and that she needed him.

It was clearly time to reprioritize, but that would have to wait until he got back from Morocco.

* * *

"How are you feeling today, Frankie?" Nurse Hatcher helped her sit up then flipped through her chart.

"Okay. I wouldn't mind going home sometime soon." She chuckled. "I'm not sure I even remember what home looks like."

Nurse Hatcher smiled. "I know how you feel. I'm sure Doctor Moore will let you go as soon as he thinks you're well enough. Looks like the pneumonia's starting to clear though. That's a good sign."

"Yeah."

"And how are you doing otherwise? Still struggling to sleep?"

Frankie shrugged. "Some nights. I'll get over it."

"You know, no one expects you to recover overnight." Nurse Hatcher replaced the chart and her expression turned playful. "Your husband was here this morning."

"Ex-husband."

"Whatever you say." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "I don't think he likes me."

Frankie smiled. "He's used to getting his own way."

The door opened and Kilmer entered, followed by a redhead Frankie didn't recognize.

"Speak of the devil," Nurse Hatcher said. "Nice to see you again, Agent Kilmer."

She nodded to the woman on her way out. Frankie shifted to get more comfortable, unwilling to meet Kilmer's gaze. She studied the woman instead.

"Frankie, this is Angel."

Angel smiled. "Hi."

"Hello."

Tension hummed in the air between the women. Frankie reached for a glass of water, her eyes narrowing as she picked up on Angel's body language. She noticed how close Angel stood to Kilmer, how her gaze strayed to him every so often, how uncomfortable Angel seemed to be.

Legally, Frankie had no claim on Kilmer and after last night, she wouldn't have been surprised if he had decided to move on. Frankie set the glass of water back on the table and wished they would both just go away.

"I guess I should have come to visit sooner," Angel said. "I just thought it would be strange for you to be visited by someone you don't even know. I see you got my flowers though."

"Yes. Thanks." Frankie forced a smile. "Well, uh, welcome to the team, I guess."

"Thanks. Kilmer, I'll be outside. It was good to finally meet you, Frankie." Angel slipped out, closing the door behind her.

Frankie looked down at the blanket. Blue, like Kilmer's eyes. Why did this hurt so much? After a few seconds, it became clear that Kilmer was waiting for her to speak. She took a deep breath. "So, that's Angel."

"Yeah."

"She's pretty. Looks like she's stepped right out of 'Vogue'." Too late, Frankie wished she'd kept her mouth shut. There was only one way that her comment could be interpreted.

Kilmer sat on the edge of the bed. He tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear then let his finger trail down her cheek. Still, she refused to look up. "I don't know. I'm kind of partial to the invalid look."

"I'm not an invalid!" She finally met his gaze and saw the amusement in his eyes. "You just like seeing me in my pajamas."

Kilmer fingered the edge of her shirt. "You know I prefer the see-through, lacy kind. Remember Jakarta?"

Frankie slapped his hand away, but she was smiling. Kilmer wouldn't bring up their honeymoon if he were interested in another woman. "I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday."

"It's okay."

"Doctor Moore thinks I should see a counselor."

Kilmer's hand was on her neck now, his thumb tracing the hollow at the base of her throat. "That's a good idea."

It was suddenly difficult for Frankie to concentrate. "Don't start something you can't finish." Her voice was low.

The light vanished from Kilmer's eyes and he dropped his hand. "I'm being sent to Morocco."

"What? When?"

"Today. We have to be at Andrews at one."

"We? You and Angel?"

He nodded, taking her hand. "It's just a couple of days. And I'll call every night."

Frankie let him hug her. She didn't want him to go. Especially not with the very beautiful Angel O'Reilly. But she wasn't going to let Kilmer know how hard this was.

"I expect a gift," she said, keeping her tone light.

Kilmer's lips were on hers; warm, soft and familiar. She tasted him inside her mouth, remembering countless kisses they'd shared before. Too soon, he pulled away, leaning his forehead on hers, his breathing heavy.

"What was that about starting what you can't finish?"

She smiled. "I guess you'd better get going."

"Yeah. Frankie, you know – Never mind." He held her for a moment longer, then stood. "See you soon."

When he was at the door, Frankie said, "Hey, John. Stay safe, okay?"

He grinned. "You know me."

She did; that was the problem. Trouble had a way of finding him. Frankie hoped she could trust Angel to watch Kilmer's back.


	3. bella

__

chapter three: bella

The door to Frankie's room opened and shut quickly, causing Frankie to snap out of her thoughts of Kilmer and Angel. A little girl stood staring at Frankie with big eyes. She clutched a Barbie doll whose hair had been chopped off. The child took a step towards the bed, then stopped.

"Hello," Frankie said.

The child studied her for a moment longer, then smiled. "We're playing hide and seek. Can I hide here?"

"Okay."

"Good." She climbed onto the bed. "I'm Bella."

"That's a pretty name." Now that she was closer, Frankie could see how pale Bella was. Her hair was so blonde it was almost white and her arms bore bruises from countless needles. Frankie fought the impulse to hug her. "I'm Frankie."

Bella held up the doll. "This is Barbie. She's very sick. The doctors want to stick stuff in her again. That's why we're hiding."

"Maybe the doctors just want to help her." It wasn't hard to figure out that Bella was talking about herself.

Bella shook her head. "She's been sick forever."

"How old are you, Bella?"

"Six. But I'll be seven in January. Daddy says I'm a big girl."

"Wow, so you're in kindergarten then. I bet that's fun, huh?"

"It's okay. Nakeisha goes there too. She's my bestest friend. Her mom even let her come visit me here. She gave me Barbie." Bella tilted her head curiously. "What did your bestest friend give you?"

"He brought me flowers."

"Your bestest friend's a boy? Boys are gross. Danny Anderson wanted to be my boyfriend but he picks his nose." Bella pulled a face. "Is the boy who brang you flowers your boyfriend?"

"Umm, I don't know."

"Did he kiss you? If he kissed you then he wants to be your boyfriend. Mommy says that kissing's only for mommies and daddies." She leaned forward, lowering her voice. "I saw Daddy kiss Mommy once. Yuck!"

Frankie was completely charmed by Bella. For someone so sick, Bella was remarkably cheerful.

"Hey, Frankie, how come you're in hospital?"

Having no desire to tell Bella she'd been kidnapped and tortured, Frankie settled for the simplest explanation. "I have pneumonia."

Bella's eyes widened. "Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes. Only when I cough."

"Mine doesn't hurt. 'Cept when my nose bleeds or I have to come here and they give me tests."

Frankie didn't know what to say to that. She stroked Bella's hair instead.

The door opened again. This time Nurse Hatcher entered with a man Frankie recognized as Congressman Alex Ryan. "Sorry about this, Frankie. No one noticed Bella slip away."

"Come on, pumpkin," Ryan said.

Bella huddled against Frankie. "No, Daddy. I don't wanna."

"Bella, you have to."

Tears streamed down her cheeks. "But I don't feel sick. Can we go home? I wanna go home."

"Bella, come now. I'm sure the lady would like her peace and quiet."

"Frankie doesn't mind. She's my friend."

"Tell you what, Bella. You go with your dad and I'll come visit you later. Would you like that?"

Bella nodded. "Promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay."

Nurse Hatcher picked Bella up and carried her out. Congressman Ryan smiled at Frankie, but there was no joy in it. "I'm sorry about this."

"It's fine. I'm Frankie Kilmer, by the way."

"Alex Ryan." He sighed. "Did you mean what you said about visiting her?"

Frankie nodded.

"Thank you. She's in the oncology ward. I'll put your name on the visitors list." He turned to leave.

"Just how sick is she?"

"If she doesn't get a bone marrow transplant soon, she's not going to make her seventh birthday." Though he said it matter-of-factly, Frankie didn't miss the obvious pain the words held.

When Ryan had left, Frankie sat staring at the door. Her seventh birthday, Ryan had said. Bella had less than a month.

Six years and eleven months more than Amy'd had.

* * *

"Frankie hates me," Angel said. They'd arrived in Marrakech a few hours earlier and were sitting in Kilmer's hotel room, waiting for their contact to arrive. Angel was in the bathroom, putting together the finishing touches on her disguise.

Kilmer lay on the bed, staring up at the cracked roof. As he shifted, the mattress springs squeaked in protest. The walls of the room were in desperate need of a paint job and the carpets smelled of stale cigarette smoke. Overall, the _Toubkal_ was not somewhere Kilmer would have chosen to come on a vacation.

He heard Frankie's name and sat up. "What was that?"

"I said, Frankie hates me."

Kilmer laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm being serious."

"Angel, you yourself pointed out that Frankie has a lot of psychological stuff to deal with. She hasn't been herself lately. Give it some time. Get to know her." Kilmer knew exactly why Frankie had been offish to Angel, but he wasn't about to tell Angel that. He smiled; Frankie had thought he might be interested in Angel. She was jealous. It did wonders for his ego, and then there was that incredible kiss . . .

"Kilmer, are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

Angel came out of the bathroom and Kilmer blinked in surprise. She looked completely different. Her red hair was hidden under a black wig and contact lenses made her eyes blue.

"Wow."

"Our contact is late," Angel said, her hands on her hips. "Do you think you could make some phone calls, find out what's going on?"

"You're not as cheerful as you usually are. Something wrong?"

"No."

There was a knock at the door. Kilmer jumped up to answer. "That'll be our contact."

* * *

Frankie flipped through the TV channels but nothing caught her interest. She eventually settled on CNN, deciding it might be useful to know what was going on in the world. The volume turned on low, she picked up a magazine.

Voices from just outside the door caught her attention. "I'll bend the rules for you just this once," Nurse Hatcher said, "and only because you've come so far."

The door opened and Faye Kilmer entered, heading immediately for Frankie and hugging her. Then she stepped back and studied Frankie critically. "Don't they feed you in this place?"

"Of course they do." Frankie's smile was genuine. Faye Kilmer hadn't changed one bit. Tall and reed-thin, her hair was as dark as it had been the day Frankie had met her. She'd told Frankie that just because she was getting old, it didn't mean she had to look and act like a geriatric. "It's so good to see you. What are you doing here, though? I thought—"

"If Mohammed won't come to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed."

Frankie laughed, then winced when her ribs hurt.

Faye sat down. "I wanted to see for myself that you were fine." Her eyes narrowed. "And you're not. You lied to me on the phone."

Frankie looked away. "I've been having some trouble sleeping. It's nothing."

"Hmm."

"Really."

"If you say so. Where's my son? I thought he'd be camping right outside your door."

"Morocco."

"What's he doing in Morocco?"

"Saving the world, probably." Frankie smiled, then remembered whom he was with, and her smile faded.

Faye shook her head. "Well, I suppose we'll have to use the time to catch up. Now, tell me, what have you been up to?"

* * *

This was a bad idea, Angel thought. She and Kilmer sat in small restaurant, killing time. Their contact, a CIA agent known to them only as Fareeda, had apologetically told them that Alexandru would only be in Marrakech the following day. Kilmer was grumpy because he could have had an extra day with Frankie and the more time Angel spent with him, the more she wished Atkins had sent someone else with her instead.

She studied him now, mentally comparing what she knew with what his file had told her. He was brilliant, driven and dedicated. What the file hadn't said was that he was still head-over-heels in love with his ex-wife. It was also clear that Frankie still had feelings for him. Angel didn't understand why, if they still loved each other, they had got divorced.

Angel had been attracted to him from the day they'd met, though she knew it was a hopeless cause. She had a tendency to fall for unavailable men. Besides, she told herself sternly, she had a job to do. Revealing her feelings would only complicate things and with so much at stake, she couldn't afford any awkwardness in her relationship with Kilmer.

She'd always been good at hiding her true feelings, especially when it came to her job. She would do what she had come to Threat Matrix to do, and then she would move on and forget all about John Kilmer.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end of such devotion. Frankie Ellroy-Kilmer had no idea how lucky she was.


	4. meant to be, supposed to be

__

chapter four: meant to be, supposed to be

Frankie quietly opened the door to Bella's room. Bella lay on the bed, hugging a teddy bear. She looked asleep. Frankie closed the door behind her. Out of habit, she studied the room. Bella's Barbie was propped up on the bedside table. Frankie picked up the card next to it, smiling as she read the message. _Get well soon love Nakeisha_ was written in a child's painstaking script.

Bella's eyes fluttered open. "Frankie. You really came."

"I promised, didn't I?" She sat down. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired." Bella rolled onto her side. "I asked Daddy if I could get a wig the same color as your hair when mine falls out again. I wish I had long hair like yours. It's pretty."

"Well, with or without hair, you'll still be beautiful." Frankie put a knitted pink beanie on the bed. "I brought you a present."

Bella grinned. "Thank you, Frankie! Mommy says you always have to say thank you, else people think you don't like your present. Can I wear it now?"

Frankie gently put the beanie on for Bella then kissed her forehead. "There you go."

"Oh! I have a present for you too! It's in the drawer."

Frankie opened the drawer and pulled out a picture. There were two stick figures; a man and a woman. The man held a bunch of flowers. The woman had an enormous smile on her face. "Is this it?"

"Uh huh. I drawed it myself."

"Thank you. It's lovely."

"It's you and your boyfriend. I didn't know what he looked like so I asked Nurse Hatcher and she said he was handsome. 'Cept she said he wasn't your boyfriend, he was your husband." Bella's tone was accusatory.

"Ex-husband. We're not married anymore."

"How come?"

"Bella, it's a long story."

"Do you still love him?"

"I—"

"Do you have any children?"

Frankie's breath caught in her throat. Amy, she thought.

"'Cause," Bella continued, "if you do, you shouldn't have got divorced. Kids are s'posed to have mommies and daddies. Nakeisha's mommy and daddy are divorced and she's sad 'cause she only sees her daddy on the weekend."

It still hurt Frankie to say, "We don't have children."

Bella thought about that for a minute, then nodded. "Okay. Hey, Frankie, will you come to my birthday party next month? Daddy says I can even have it at home! You can meet Nakeisha and Mommy and Skittle – that's my cat." Her expression turned sly. "You can even bring your boyfriend."

Frankie smiled. "Of course I'll come to your party." She stood. "But I'd better get back to my room before Nurse Hatcher comes looking for me."

"Will you come visit again?"

"Tomorrow."

"Okay." Bella settled back against the pillows, a satisfied smile on her face. "G'bye, Frankie."

* * *

Alexandru was late.

Kilmer sat at the hotel bar, scanning the room. Angel was at a table two feet away, waiting. She'd had to fend off two would-be suitors so far, much to Kilmer's amusement.

Two men entered. Kilmer straightened, immediately recognizing the taller one as Alexandru. He looked at Angel, inclining his head in Alexandru's direction. Angel nodded. Kilmer turned so his back was to the table and ordered a drink.

"Mademoiselle Argeneau?"

"Oui." Kilmer heard the scraping of chairs as the men sat, then Angel said, "Please, call me Nathalie."

"Very well, Nathalie. I am Mircea Alexandru and this is my associate, Kasim."

When Alexandru asked, "What's this?" Kilmer knew Angel had passed him the folder of photographs.

"Examples of my work."

"Your work?" Alexandru laughed. "You talk as if it's art."

"Isn't it?"

There was a silence. Kilmer guessed Alexandru was looking at the photographs. Jelani had compiled a selection of photographs of sites that Nathalie Argeneau had bombed. He hoped they were enough to convince Alexandru.

"Excellent," Alexandru said. "We will meet again tomorrow. Same place. Enjoy your evening."

A few minutes later, Angel sat next to Kilmer. "So far, so good."

Kilmer wasn't so sure. Maybe Frankie's paranoia was starting to rub off on him, he thought, but something about this whole thing seemed off. It was almost going _too_ well.

* * *

Frankie sat cross-legged on the bed, sipping a cup of coffee. Faye had returned with a stack of magazines and a book of crossword puzzles. "To keep your brain active," she'd said.

The conversation had quickly turned to Kilmer, despite Frankie's consistent efforts to change the subject.

"Forgive me for prying," Faye said, not looking at all contrite, "but I have to ask. Do you still love my son?"

Frankie stared into the cup as if she expected to find the answer there. She sighed. "Yes. I still love him. But I loved him before and it wasn't enough then."

"You're both older now and, hopefully, wiser. If you're sure it's what you want, then you can make it work."

It was pointless to lie to Faye. "I'm scared."

"You're not a coward, Frankie. Take that leap of faith." Faye smiled. "I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Frankie didn't have a comeback for that. She was saved from having to think of something when her cell phone rang.

"I thought those weren't allowed in hospitals," Faye said.

Frankie shrugged. "Hello?"

"Hey."

She smiled. "Hey. How's Marrakech?"

"Lonely." Frankie heard the frustration in Kilmer's voice. "This is taking longer than expected. We're stuck here another night."

"That's okay. I've got company."

"Who?" He sounded jealous. Frankie thought about making him sweat, decided against it, and handed the phone to Faye.

"Hello, John . . . what, you didn't think I'd spend Christmas by myself? . . . Yes, I'm looking after her . . . oh, alright." Faye passed the phone back to Frankie.

"Evil woman. You should have said it was my mother. I thought—"

Frankie laughed. "Sorry."

"I miss you, Mrs. Kilmer."

"I – I miss you, too." Frankie shook her head at Faye, who was grinning and giving her the thumbs up sign.

"Yeah, well I'll be back before you know it. Try to keep my mother out of trouble."

"I'll do my best. But you know what she's like. I can't make any promises."

He laughed, the sound warming something deep inside Frankie. When she hung up, Faye was looking at her with raised eyebrows.

"What did my son say about me?"

Frankie smiled and shrugged. "It's classified."

"You two are going to be the death of me." Faye stood, taking Frankie's cup. "I need more coffee."

When Faye left, Faye replayed the conversation with Kilmer in her mind. He'd never stopped calling her Mrs. Kilmer. She'd never told him not to.

Maybe Faye was right. Maybe it was time to take that leap.


	5. the lost

__

chapter five: the lost

Angel occupied the same table as the previous night. This time Kilmer sat next to her, assuming the role of her bodyguard. When Alexandru and Kasim arrived, they looked suspiciously at Kilmer.

"Don't mind Raoul," Angel said with a dismissive wave. "He's a little overprotective."

"You do not trust us?"

Angel arched an eyebrow. "I do not trust anyone."

"Understandable." Alexandru and Kasim sat down. Alexandru slid a folder across the table. Angel flipped it open and studied the photograph inside.

Kilmer forced himself to remain calm when he saw the picture. They wanted to blow up The Hague!

Angel smiled. "Perfect."

"You haven't told us your price yet," Alexandru said.

"Two million dollars. Half before, half after. No negotiation."

The men exchanged a glance. "Very well."

Angel scribbled a number on the back of a napkin then gave it to Alexandru. "You can deposit the money in this account. When I receive it, I will make your bomb."

The men stood. "It was a pleasure, Nathalie. We will be in contact soon."

When they left, Angel turned to Kilmer, wide-eyed. "Oh, my God. The Hague!"

"Let's get back to the hotel. Atkins is going to love this."

As they left the restaurant, Kilmer felt the barrel of a gun pressed against his neck. He and Angel were shepherded to a van, then shoved roughly inside. The woman in the front passenger seat turned around and smiled.

"Bonjour."

Shit, Kilmer thought as he met the gaze of the real Nathalie Argeneau.

* * *

Faye, to Frankie's amusement, was still trying to play matchmaker. Frankie had just told her about meeting Angel but conveniently omitted what happened after Angel left the room. Why make it too easy, she thought, hiding her smile.

"And now they're halfway across the world together," Frankie said.

Faye laughed. "Frankie, honey, I can assure you that you're worrying for nothing. I'm sure John is aware of the effect he has on women – he's definitely his father's son – but the day he met you, he stopped caring about anyone else." She smiled. "He'll never admit it, of course, but you're the only woman whose opinion matters."

"That's not true. What about you?"

"I'm his mother. It's different." Faye gazed affectionately at Frankie. "Do yourself a favor and watch John when he's around other people. Then take note of how he looks at you." She chuckled. "And hurry up with this reconciliation. I want grandkids before I die."

Frankie went cold all over.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, Frankie. You'd think I'd have learned by now to think before I open my mouth." Faye was silent for a moment. Then she set her coffee cup on the table and took Frankie's hand. "It's been ten years."

"Am I supposed to just forget?"

"No. But you're not supposed to stop living either. You're not the only woman who's lost a child."

Frankie squeezed her eyes shut, lost in the pain of the past. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "When it happened, one of my friends said it was foolish to grieve a child who hadn't even been born."

"Oh, Frankie."

"But she had a name already. And we loved her . . ."

Faye hugged Frankie, rubbing her back in slow circles.

"Frankie, I – Oh, sorry. I didn't know you had company." Lark stood at the door.

"It's okay. Come in." Frankie wiped her eyes. "Lark, this is Faye Kilmer. Faye, Lia Larkin. She works with us."

"Good to meet you." Faye smiled.

"You're Kilmer's mother?" Lark nervously approached the bed, something in her expression setting off warning bells in Frankie's head.

"What's happened?"

"We've, uh, we've lost contact with Kilmer and Angel. They were supposed to check in an hour ago and they didn't. Atkins thinks their cover was blown somehow."

"Is someone looking for them?"

"Their contact, Fareeda Abrams. She's promised to keep us informed."

Frankie looked at Faye, who was horribly pale. "Faye, sit down. Maybe they just got delayed. I'm sure they're fine."

Faye nodded, her grip on Frankie's hand tight. "Yes, yes, of course."

It was ironic, Frankie thought, that they'd just been talking about losing children. "They're fine," she repeated.

They had to be.

* * *

Kilmer realized there was a possibility that they might not make it out of this alive. Just before the van had driven away, Nathalie Argeneau had climbed out, asking them to excuse her. "I have an important meeting to attend," she'd said. "Enjoy your evening."

Now they were headed out into the desert, Fareeda smiling apologetically from the passenger seat. She said something in Arabic to Kasim, who was driving.

"Angel, do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Something about the best place to dispose of our bodies."

"Really?"

"Do you honestly think I would make jokes at a time like this?"

No, Kilmer thought, she probably wouldn't. When Kasim had tied him up, he'd tensed his muscles as well as he could. Now that he'd relaxed them, the ropes were a little looser. He resumed trying to free himself.

A few minutes later, his hands were loose. He took the ropes off his feet, keeping a careful eye on Fareeda and Kasim. Then, slowly, he moved to Angel's side and freed her.

You take Fareeda, I'll take Kasim, he signed.

Angel nodded. Kilmer picked up a piece of rope and used it as a garrote. When Fareeda tried to intervene, Angel snapped her neck. She climbed to the front and grabbed the steering wheel, sliding her foot down to press the brake.

Kasim would not go without a fight. He lashed out at Angel causing her to release the wheel. Angel grabbed the handbrake and the van skidded, heading straight for a rock. It tipped over, rolling down a slight incline before hitting a tree.

No one moved.

* * *

Frankie kept her promise to visit Bella again, even though she was worried about Kilmer. The child had undergone another round of chemotherapy earlier and Frankie walked in to find her throwing up into a bedpan. When the nurse took the bedpan away, Frankie sat on the edge of the bed and fed ice chips to Bella.

"I wanna go home," Bella said.

"I know."

"Daddy says I can go home when I'm better. But I don't think I'm gonna get better this time."

Frankie blinked back tears. "Of course you are."

"What's a miracle?"

"It's when something happens that's very difficult to explain. Why?"

Bella looked up at Frankie. She'd lost weight in the past two days, and her eyes were huge in her face. "I heard Daddy talking to the doctor and he said it was a miracle I was still alive."

Frankie had nothing to say to that. She stroked Bella's fine hair and continued feeding her ice chips.

"You look sad," Bella said.

"I'm worried about John."

"Is he your husband?"

There was no point trying to deny it, Frankie thought. She nodded. "He has a very dangerous job and I'm scared that he might be hurt."

"Nurse Hatcher said he rescued you from very bad people. Did he really?"

"Yes, he did."

"Then he's a knight." Bella's voice was dreamy. "He'll come back. In the fairytales, the knight always comes back for the princess."

"I hope you're right."

Bella rolled onto her stomach. "Frankie, could you tickle my back? Mommy does when I can't sleep, but she's only coming back tomorrow."

"Sure thing. Sweet dreams, Bella." Frankie gently tickled Bella's back, wondering if she'd ever been this innocent.


	6. pandora's gift

__

chapter six: pandora's gift

Nurse Hatcher stood at the foot of Frankie's bed, her arms folded across her chest. She was in full Nurse Ratchet mode but Frankie was too preoccupied to care.

"You're not going to get better if you don't finish your meals, Frankie."

Frankie sighed. "I'm not hungry."

"You should listen to her," Faye said.

Nurse Hatcher turned her attention to Faye. "You're one to talk, Mrs. K. I don't want to come to work tomorrow and find out you're a patient here too."

"It's been a tense couple of days." Frankie irritably tucked her hair behind her ears then pushed her lunch tray away. "I'm sorry. I can't finish this."

Nurse Hatcher looked from one woman to the other, shaking her head. "What am I going to do with you two?"

She picked up the tray and left.

"Some Christmas, huh?"

"There are still two days to go, Frankie," Faye said. "We can't give up hope."

"It's not as if Santa's going to deliver Kilmer on Christmas morning." Frankie regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. She sighed. "I'm sorry. I just can't help but worry."

"I know."

"I feel like I should be doing something." Frankie swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "I hate feeling so useless."

"You know, I imagine John felt the same when you were missing."

"I guess." Frankie stood, stepping into her slippers. "I'm going to see Bella. Do you want to come?"

Faye shook her head. "I think I'll listen to your Nurse Hatcher and go get something to eat."

They hugged. "He'll come home," Frankie said. "He always does."

* * *

Bella smiled when Frankie sat next to her. "Look, Mommy brought a Christmas tree. She said Santa would bring my presents here."

"I hope he doesn't forget about me."

"Were you good? 'Cause he only brings presents if you were good." Bella yawned.

Frankie smiled. "Well, _I_ think I was good. I don't know if Santa would agree."

Bella's laugh was weak. It horrified Frankie how quickly the child was dying. "I have a present for you. But you're only getting it on Christmas. Will you still be here then?"

"Yes."

"Will you come help me unwrap my presents?"

"If you'd like me to."

Bella nodded. "Nakeisha's my bestest friend in the whole world, but you're my second bestest friend."

Frankie grabbed a Kleenex from the bedside table and dried her eyes. "You know what, Bella? You're my second bestest friend too."

"Frankie, will you tell me a story?"

"Okay." Frankie moved from the chair to the edge of the bed so she could tickle Bella's back. "Once upon a time there was a woman named Pandora. And she was a very inquisitive woman so one day, the gods gave her a box . . ."

* * *

Two days earlier

"Angel? Angel, are you okay?" Kilmer crawled to the front of the van. Angel was struggling to free her leg, which was trapped between the dashboard and Kasim's limp body. Kilmer helped her pull loose.

"Thanks." She felt for Kasim's pulse. "He's dead."

Kilmer pulled his body into the back of the van then climbed into the front and turned the ignition. Nothing happened.

"Great."

"It could be worse," Angel said. "We could be dead."

"We're stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a car that doesn't work, and two dead bodies." Kilmer glared at Fareeda's body. "I thought she was one of us."

"She was sleeping with Kasim."

"How do you know that?"

Angel took her boot off and winced. "They were, uh, making plans on the drive."

"I didn't know you spoke Arabic."

"One of my many hidden talents." She took a deep breath, then exhaled on a hiss. "I think my ankle's broken."

Kilmer was quiet for a while. "We can't stay here."

"I know."

"And I'm not leaving you behind."

Angel smiled. "Good to hear."

"Let's see if we can find something to bind your foot." Kilmer climbed in the back again. He eventually took Kasim's shirt and ripped it into strips. "Sorry, this is all there is."

"Thanks." Angel took the material and wrapped her foot. "So what's the game plan, boss?"

"We need to get back to town ASAP. I'm thinking Nathalie is meeting with Alexandru now to arrange the bombing."

"You think The Hague's not the real target?"

"I don't know." Kilmer took Fareeda and Kasim's guns, then got out the car. He opened the door for Angel. "I guess you can't walk on that foot."

Angel shot him a dirty look.

"Okay." He handed her the guns. "Climb on my back."

"What?"

"It's the only way."

She shook her head. "I – You can't carry me all the way back."

"Angel, there's no other way."

"Okay." Angel nodded. "Let's do it. But if I get too heavy, put me down."

Neither Kilmer nor Angel were in the mood for small talk. Kilmer navigated their way back using the stars, prompting thoughts of Frankie. He'd taken her stargazing before they were married and impressed her by naming all the constellations. They'd made love for the first time that night, and Kilmer had known then that she was the one.

An hour into the journey, Kilmer heard the sound of an approaching car. He set Angel down and waved at the car. It stopped and an old man rolled down the window. He uttered something in Arabic and Kilmer looked at Angel.

The man and Angel exchanged a few sentences, then she smiled at Kilmer. "He can take us back to town."

* * *

Present

Atkins studied Angel. She'd sat down to give her report, leaning her crutches against the table. She looked exhausted, he thought. That was no surprise, given recent events. He wondered how Kilmer had fared.

He frowned. "Speaking of Kilmer, where is he?"

Angel looked away. "He, uh, he took a slight detour past GW."

Atkins chuckled. "Of course. So you made it back to Marrakech. What happened then?"

"Kilmer got me to a hospital then went after Nathalie and Alexandru. He found Alexandru at the restaurant, toasting his impending victory. Nathalie was long gone."

"Alexandru wouldn't say where?"

Angel shook her head. "But he did confirm that The Hague was the target. He didn't know I wasn't who he thought I was until the real Nathalie showed up."

"We've informed The Hague of the threat. In the meantime, we keep looking for Nathalie. Do you think she'll still do it?"

"I don't know. She hasn't been paid but she might go ahead just because it's something to do." Angel yawned. "Sorry. It was a long flight back."

"Go home. Get some rest. You two did good work."

Angel stood, picked up her crutches and began to hobble to the stairs. "Oh, if Kilmer's in a bad mood tomorrow, tell him 'I told you so'."

Intrigued, Atkins asked, "What did he do?"

"He didn't tell Frankie we were getting back today. He said he wanted to surprise her." Angel smiled. "Good night, Colonel."

* * *

Kilmer didn't care what the time was. Screw visiting hours, he thought as he entered the hospital. To his surprise, Nurse Ratchet didn't try to stop him from entering Frankie's room. Instead of Frankie, he found his mother. She dropped the magazine she was reading and stood.

"John?"

"Mom." He hugged her. Assuming the worst, he asked, "Where's Frankie? What happened?"

Before she could answer, there was a voice from behind him. "John!"

He turned. Frankie was standing in the open doorway. He reached her in two strides and pulled her into his arms.

"Ouch. Ribs."

He loosened his hold slightly but didn't release her. He kissed her, two days' worth of stubble scratching her face. She didn't seem to mind; wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing him back.

Then she pulled away and slapped him. He raised his hand and rubbed his cheek. "What was that for?"

"For not calling to say you were okay. For making us worry. For waltzing in here as if nothing's wrong. Pick a reason."

Kilmer grinned and put his arms around her again. "It's good to be home."

"Don't we even get an explanation?" Faye demanded.

"It's a long story."

Frankie got comfortable on the bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

Kilmer sat on the edge of the bed and glanced from Frankie to his mother. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you . . ."


	7. noel

__

chapter seven: noel

"Merry Christmas." Kilmer gave a gift-wrapped box to Frankie then sat down, waiting for her to open it.

She held it in her lap and looked at Kilmer. "John, I don't have anything for you. The hospital's gift shop is limited for choice and--"

"Frankie, you're here. You're alive. I couldn't ask for anything more."

Frankie smiled, lost for words. She lifted the lid, then smiled. Nestled on a bed of tissue paper was a black satin nightgown. "Oh, it's beautiful. Thank you."

"If you really want to give me a present, you can wear it for me when you get out of here."

His comment caused Frankie to laugh. "I should have known you had an ulterior motive."

He shrugged, but he didn't deny it.

"Come here." She moved so there was space for him to sit next to her. When he sat down, she leaned in to kiss him, hesitant at first, then growing braver when he returned the kiss. His hands stole to her waist. Feeling oddly light-headed, Frankie broke the kiss. "Wow."

"I'll second that."

Frankie covered his left hand with hers, then realized for the first time that he was wearing his wedding ring. She ran her finger over the metal band, reluctant to look up and meet Kilmer's gaze.

"There's no pressure, Frankie."

"Okay." She slid off the bed. "We'd better go."

"Sure."

"Where's your mother?" Frankie was strangely nervous. She still couldn't look at Kilmer.

"She went to church."

"Okay." Frankie opened the drawer and took out her gift to Bella. She'd asked Faye to buy a Barbie coloring book for her, though now she wondered if Bella would ever be strong enough to use it.

When Kilmer put his hand at the small of her back, leaving it there as they walked to Bella's room, Frankie tried to ignore how good his touch felt. _There's no pressure_. Right, she thought, except he was wearing his wedding ring!

Bella's parents were there when Frankie and Kilmer arrived. Frankie introduced them to Kilmer, noticing how tired they both looked. Then she bent to kiss Bella's cheek.

"Hey, Bella."

"Frankie." Her voice was no more than a whisper.

"Bella, this is John."

Bella smiled weakly. "He came back."

"Yeah, you were right."

"Mommy, where's Frankie's present?"

"Here, sweetheart." Cathy Ryan placed the gift in her daughter's hand, then smiled at Frankie. "It means a lot to her, you being here."

"Well, she's a special girl."

"Open it, Frankie."

Frankie carefully unwrapped the gift, struggling not to cry when she saw what it was. A tiny gold cross hung from a thin chain. Bella reached up to touch the cross around her own neck.

"Now we match."

"Thank you, Bella. I love it. John?"

He took it from her trembling fingers and fastened it around her neck. Then he left his hand on her shoulder, his thumb gently stroking her skin, letting her know that he was there. Frankie held up the coloring book.

"I got you something too."

Bella yawned, fighting sleep. "Thanks."

"Why don't you open it later, pumpkin?" Cathy stroked her daughter's head. "Maybe you won't be so tired then."

* * *

Angel showed her ID at the security check before being waved through. Navigating the corridors of the White House with a familiar ease, it didn't take her long to arrive at the Chief of Staff's office. This wasn't the first time she'd been here; as always, the meeting was set for a time when the building was at its emptiest and there was no chance of Angel bumping into anyone she knew.

His secretary was absent so she knocked and went straight in.

Of course, she thought, it was Christmas. Then she wondered what was so important that it had her godfather at work on the biggest holiday of the year.

Angel hated these meetings-- she was so afraid of letting him down-- but they were a necessary part of her job. "Good afternoon, sir."

Chief of Staff Leo McGarry came around the desk and greeted her with a hug. "Angel! I heard about the accident. I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "I've been in worse situations."

"True, true." He gestured for her to sit, then perched on the edge of the desk. "How is the investigation going?"

"I think you suspect the wrong person."

He raised his eyebrows. "What makes you say that?"

"He doesn't have it in him. He's not a traitor."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I think he's being set up to take the fall for someone else."

"Do you have any evidence?"

"Some, not enough." Not nearly enough, she thought, but couldn't admit that here. "I don't think Sadiq Fasil was working for Black Sun this time. Or, if he was, I think someone else told him to take Frankie."

McGarry nodded. "Her death would destroy Kilmer." He sighed. "I take it you've arranged for protection at GW?"

"Yes, sir. Special Agent Margo Hatcher. She's Secret Service."

"Okay." McGarry stood. "Good work, Angel."

"Thank you, sir." She picked up her crutches and hobbled to the door.

"One more thing, do you have an idea who might want Kilmer framed?"

Angel shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't. I'm working on it, though."

"Good girl. Merry Christmas. Give my regards to your parents."

"I'll do that. Merry Christmas, sir." Switching from professional to familiar, she gave him a stern look. "I hope you're not planning on spending the whole day here."

He gave her a guilty smile, then picked up his coat. "I was just finishing up here. Let me walk you out."

* * *

Frankie waited until they were back in her room before telling Kilmer what was on her mind. She bit her lip, knowing it wouldn't sit well with him.

"Bella needs a bone marrow transplant. I've been thinking about having my blood tested to see if I'm a match."

Kilmer shook his head. "Frankie, you're still sick."

"I have to do something to help her. You saw her, John." Tears burned Frankie's eyes. "She's six years old. She's probably not going to live long enough to have her birthday party next month. She shares a birthday with you, you know."

"Frankie," Kilmer said gently, "she's not Amy."

"I know."

She moved to the window, needing the distance. Kilmer came up behind her, putting his arms around her to keep her from walking away. "It wasn't your fault."

She hadn't believed that then and she didn't believe it now. They'd had this conversation countless times in the days following the miscarriage. When Frankie had decided it was all too much, Kilmer had let her walk away.

Somehow, she knew that he wouldn't be so quick to let her go this time.

"Didn't you ever wonder if I'd done something to cause it? If I'd pushed myself too hard or if I didn't look after myself well enough? If--"

"Stop it, Frankie. It's in the past. You have to move on." He turned her around, then tipped her chin so she was looking at him. "Let her go."

She didn't know if he meant Amy or Bella, or both.

"I'd like us to move forward, Frankie. A fresh start."

"We can't just wipe away the past."

He nodded. "I know. But we can stop letting it eat us up. Can we try again?"

"It's not going to be easy."

"I know."

Take that leap. Frankie smiled. "Okay."

Kilmer bent to kiss her. Frankie felt for his hand and twined her fingers through his. This time, the feel of his ring was comforting rather than frightening.

She thought she might just be okay.

* * *

FINIS

Next: "Perfidy", in which we find out what Angel's really up to, and can Frankie and Kilmer really make it work?


End file.
